What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
