He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
