you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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