Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
