I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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