im drinking this country out of the recession.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
