Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
