I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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