I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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