Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
