when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
