He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
