Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
