it wasn't lemon gatorade
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
