like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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