He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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