How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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