Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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