i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
