Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
be right there i have to get my cape
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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