alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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