i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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