I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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