i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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