Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
