I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They took my balls.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
