Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need water and some morals
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
