I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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