When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
worst night to have a conscience
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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