seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
