I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
