the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
