dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
