Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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