My nipple is on Facebook.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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