So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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