At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
