At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
