Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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