so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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