Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
