Your dad touched me again.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
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I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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