I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
COCAINE IS GR8
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
