And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
