me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He? As in you personified your dick?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
