it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
