dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
