normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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