I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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