There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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