apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
