If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My dick has a subreddit
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
