how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
