If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
