they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
