go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
