anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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