Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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