8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
