Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
