Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
