Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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