I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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