Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
