How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
