i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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