I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
