Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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