Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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