Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
