GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
