Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
