No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
