Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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