If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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