wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
