the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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