I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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