Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at about main and main street
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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