listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
