I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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