OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
