Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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