Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
