Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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