i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
